I've been wanting to write a blog post about how much I miss you or to express the pain I feel when I remember that you're gone but I never seem to have the right words...maybe it's because there are no right words for this. What I feel is something I can't explain except a deep sadness, that I have to accept. I was listening to my iPod playlist this morning, and the song that played at your memorial started playing...I had to change it. I know in the last few months before your death we had lost contact. I wish you had known how much I treasured our friendship and you as a person. I always had a special place in my heart for you now that place hurts knowing that I won't hear from you again, that I won't get a random phone call from a weird number, that I won't hear you laugh or be able to give you a hug. I see the sticker on the back of my truck and just get this ping of sadness. My grief seems to come in waves still. I know we are all left with such an emptiness that cannot be filled. It still seems to me that it's not real at times, maybe because I don't want it to be. I don't want to accept that I won't hear from you anymore, or that I can't get a hold of you. I find myself looking at people in cars and taking a double take because someone looks like you....
I do find peace in knowing that you are no longer in pain and in a place where there is no sadness. I know that you battled for a long time and that breaks my heart. I know that we all wish we could have saved you and kept you here with us longer, and we would have had we really known...Just know we miss you so much and we will until the day we get to see you again. Until then we will look back on happy times and wish you were here with us to make new memories. You impacted the lives of people you knew and loved you in ways you don't know.
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