RIP Woolly Bully Boy

When we got our first puppy together not even a year ago, we never imagined we would be saying goodbye just a month shy of having him for a year. Besides Ruca, I had never been close to a pet. I grew up with dogs my whole life, but they were pets, not exactly "part of the family". Woolly changed all of that for us. Leif and I fell in love with this little chunk, and he improved our relationship with Ruca. The dogs became our fur babies. We looked forward to Fridays and Saturdays hanging out in the garage with the dogs. They really were our kids. At night, especially this last winter, Woolly and Ruca would get to come in the house and sit by the back door...now that place feels so empty. When we are in the front, I just miss having my Woolly Bully come up to me and give me love. It really feels like a broken heart, I miss my boy. Ruca is getting extra attention and we are cherishing the moments we have with her. I never, never thought losing a dog would be this hard, but I guess that's the thing, he wasn't just a dog to us. He was part of our family. He had a unique personality, and although he could be a jerk at times he loved us, and we loved him so much. The outpouring love and support truly is more than Leif and I could ever ask for. To know that people do understand and they mean the words they say means more to us than we could say. We miss our boy and we know that this will take time....this sweet poem brought me to tears, but also is something I believe. My sister posted on my facebook that Woolly is in Heaven playing with Jesus and loving every moment. I miss him so much, but I know that one day we will be reunited. RIP Woolly, we love you!

I will lend to you for awhile
a puppy, God said,
For you to love him while he lives
and to mourn for him when he is gone.
Maybe for 12 or 14 years,
or maybe for 2 or 3
But will you, till I call him back
take care of him for me?
He’ll bring his charms to gladden you
and (should his stay be brief)
you’ll always have his memories
as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise that he will stay
since all from Earth return,
But there are lessons taught below
I want this pup to learn.
I’ve looked the whole world over
in seach of teachers true
And from the fold that crowd life’s land
I have chosen you.
Now will you give him all your love
Nor think the labor vain,
nor hate me when I come to take my pup back again?
I fancied that I heard them say,
“Dear Lord, They Will Be Done,”
For all the joys this pup will bring
the risk of grief you’ll run.
Will you shelter him with tenderness,
Will you love him while you may?
And for the happiness you’ll know forever grateful stay.
But should I call him back
much sooner than you’ve planned,
please brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand.
If, by your love, you’ve managed
my wishes to achieve,
In memory of him that you’ve loved,
cherish every moment with your faithful bundle, and know he loved you too.

If at first you don't succeed...

TRY, TRY, TRY...again!

It has been an upward battle for me to be able to go back to school to follow my dream of being a Speech Pathologist. I haven't given up, I keep rolling with the punches and just having hope and faith that God has a great plan and if this is what He truly wants for me it will work.

A few months ago I printed up a list of schools that have California approved SLP and SLPA programs. At the time I didn't bother contacting the schools..I had previously contacted a few and hit the same wall...programs were in the middle of the week, pricey and far away.

My issue is I HAVE to work, we need a double income and I can't afford to take time off work that often. Plus it is not cheap to drive either to the OC or down south...we are in the middle of each program...literally. It would take me an hour to get to the OC or an hour to get to San Marcos or an hour to get to University of Redlands. With that said I've been feeling a little discouraged...

After the realization that I couldn't make school happen right now, I have just sat back and accepted the fact that I will have to go back at a later date. Then out of nowhere...I got the hair to just contact one of the schools I had not contacted. To make a long story short, I was hoping that they offered their Communicative Disorders program at their location out here, but they do not...they do however have a Post- Bac program. It is a year long program held on Friday nights and Saturdays...This program is the pre-requisits I will need to apply for the Masters Program with that school. Then I also received great news about some scholarships, how awesome would that be to get some scholarship money to help out with this expence?

So that is where I am at. I've been researching different programs for over a year and have hit a wall everytime. This time I feel like I've made some progress...I sure hope so. This is my dream, I know that I would be good at it!

~If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes. St. Clement of Alexandra~

Happy Friday!

I always love starting off my mornings with some good worship music. These two songs get me pumped up and ready for the day! I believe these lyrics with all of my heart.

~The Redeemer- Sanctus Real~

Sometimes I just want to start over, 'cause everything looks like a wreck
And I need the courage to carry on, 'cause I can't see what's ahead
And there are places I've wished I could be, battles I've wanted to win
Dreams that have slipped through my hands
I may never get back again

But I'm still a dreamer, a believer
Oh, I've lost my faith in so many things,
but I still believe in You
'Cause You can make anything NEW

Sometimes I just wish we could say all the things that are easy to hear
Ignore the injustice we see and explain every unanswered prayer
But I'd rather speak honestly and wear a tattered heart on my sleeve
'Cause in the middle of my broken dreams, redemption is here

And I'm still a dreamer, a believer
Oh, I've lost my faith in so many things,
but I still believe in You
'Cause You are the answer, the redeemer
Oh, I've given up on too many things,
but I'm not giving up on You
'Cause You can make anything NEW

I don't have every answer in life
But I'm trusting You one day at a time
'Cause You can make a weak heart stay alive forever
this is where Heaven and Earth collide
I lift my hands and give my life
This is how my weary heart stays alive

Oh, I'm still a dreamer (This is where heaven and earth collide)
(I lift my hands and give my life)
Still a believer (This is how my weary heart stays alive)
Oh, You are the answer (Oh, this is where Heaven and Earth collide)
(I lift my voice and give my life)
The redeemer (This is how my weary heart stays alive, oh)

'Cause You can make anything new
Yeah, You can make anything new

~Washed by the Water- Needtobreathe~

Daddy was a preacher
She was his wife
Just tryin to make the world a little better
You know, shine a light

People started talking
Just to hear their own voice
Those people tried to accuse my father
Said he made the wrong choice

Though it might be painful
You know that time will always tell
Those people have long since gone
My Father never failed

Chorus

Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts rising
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

Repeat Chorus

Even when the Earth crumbles under my feet
Even when the ones I love turn around and crucify me
I won’t never ever let You down

I won’t fall

I won’t fall

I won’t fall as long as you’re around me

Chorus

Even when the rain falls
Even when the flood starts rising
Even when the storm comes
I am washed by the water

The music in these songs is so powerful, I don't know how someone listening to these songs could not be moved! I hope everyone has a beautiful and blessed weekend! PBR tomorrow can't wait!

~Nicole

Love

After a rough Thursday I was blessed with a beautiful Friday and weekend. The sermon at church was just what I needed even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear. It actually helped me understand a bit of my conflict with my dad...well I know what my conflict is, but this helped me understand why I keep letting my guard down. In a nutshell. Scott talked about love, and how when the Lord is in your heart you should feel love. We should love our neighbors, strangers, our friends, our enemies (that's the tricky one). However after hearing that again and again I realized that I am overflowing with love...not all the time, but a lot of the time. That's why I have such a hard time turning my back on the situation. God's love is flowing through me...imagine that! I guess that is where the persistance comes from in this situation, I don't want to see my dad go down the wrong path for the rest of his life. I want him to know THIS love is better.

Until then, I will keep praying and keep letting God's love flow through me. Even when I feel like resisting...

Ramblings

I honestly thought that I would be a better blogger. You should hear the things I think about blogging in my head...oh I could write a blog called "27 and more confused than ever about what I want to do "when I grow up"" or...as I draw a blank..I promise there are ideas in there!

I guess my biggest fear with blogging is that all of a sudden all of my thoughts are made public, they are no longer in my head for me only. I would expose myself to what others think when I try so hard to protect myself from that "in the real world". I don't know if I really want people knowing what I am doing at different points in my life...but at the same time with all that said...blogging gives me a chance to share things, pictures, ideas, concerns, joys, and so on and so forth...I guess the next step is to make it public so friends can actually see this...and start blogging a little bit more. hmmmph!

Lets Try This Again

Well as you can see my blog is a work in progress. I decided to get rid of all my old posts and start over...maybe it would be more fun to blog if I made my blog public... I just don't really know if I want everyone knowing my business...hmmmm.

Well married life has been amazing. Cannot believe it has been 9 months! Moving in together was a very easy change for Leif and I, and I am so happy that we waited to live together. It has been such a fun journey. We decided in April to add to our little family. We felt bad for leaving Ruca home alone so we thought it would be a good time to get a little brother for her...we found our Woolly boy from a breeder in Fontana, and fell in love. We went to the breeders thinking we were just going to "look" and in a couple hours, after a dinner and talking about it, we came home with one of the coolest dogs I have ever owned. We got Woolly at six weeks old, and from that day started training him on what he can and cannot do. He is a stubborn boy, but also smart and minds us very well. It has been a lot of fun raising him from puppy, to well, small horse like creature. Ruca just loves him and will still put him in his place even though he's got about 40 pounds on her.

That's kind of all that is new right now with the Ryan's I am going to try to update more, post pictures and just do this and that.

Until next time...